When I began this journey, nearly two years ago, I never expected to have a nine-month break, but sometimes that is the way things go. I shall spare the excuses, and just simply say…Well, here I am again. Back in February, I was able to attend Convocation, a pagan-bent convention where many classes and rituals are held for attendees, and there I was sharply reminded of this project to meditate and express the Ogham. Although so much has changed for me personally and otherwise since my last Ogham post, I feel it’s still important to continue this effort. With that said, if my format and tone seem different from previous posts, note this is why. Picking up from where I left off, today we meet nGéadal.

Attributes and Associations

nGeadal. Ngetal. NYEH-DAL. nGeadal of the Reeds and Ferns, of the grasses and greenery of the deep earth. nGeadal is the thirteenth letter of the Ogham alphabet, of the Muine set. nGeadal has a meaning of “the act of wounding”. It may be a verbal noun of “gonid” meaning, ‘wounds, slays’. in which case it is related to Welsh gwanu ‘to pierce, to stab’, which comes from the root *gʷhen- ‘to pierce, to strike’. Its original phonetic value in Primitive Irish was [ɡʷ], the voiced labiovelar. In Old Irish, this phoneme merged with g (gort), and the medieval manuscript tradition assigns it Latin ng [ŋ], hence the unetymological spelling of the letter name with initial n-. In the Kennings, there are three phrases for nGeadal: lúth lego “sustenance of a leech”, étiud midach “raiment of physicians”, and tosach n-échto “beginning of slaying”. With these very interesting meanings, it’s also interesting to point out the pretty equal discovery that nGeadal is associated with either Reeds or Ferns. That is why here I have nGeadal associated with both, or with grasses as a whole. I find it fitting, that while nGeadal is not associated with a tree, it can be associated with grasses on a far larger scale and the great diversity therein. 

The specific attributes of nGeadal are resilience, wounds, wounding, pain, ferocity, flow, and practicality. The Reed and the Fern enlighten us to the broader balance of humanity and although nGeadal can seem intimidating, the necessity is also apparent. Bringing us a little out of the realm of the trees, they are no less important to our lives as humans. 

Ferns are incredibly prolific and found throughout the world in many forms, particularly shady woodland areas and lowland mountainsides. They bear neither seeds nor flowers, but can give nutrients to humans and animals alike when just shoots. Ferns are also tenacious and not easily removed by any means. As ferns can cover great swathes of acreage they can provide a soft green blanket of protection to the earth below it. Beneath that soft blanket of feathery leaves, Fern plays host to a myriad of small animals. Rodents shuffle between the stems and during the hot summer months snakes freely weave their sinuous, sensuous dances and mating rituals. Fern offers them all protection under its low sweet-scented canopy. Stags cut pathways through expanses of Fern, and the Fern provides much-needed greenery even in places that other plants will not take up.

Reeds are very versatile themselves, used for all manner of crafts and also help keep our precious wetlands alive. The name reed is the most commonly used term that refers to grass-like plants the grow all throughout wetlands but is also referenced to most by-the-water growing plants. Reeds are historically essential to the expansion of culture and civilization. I’m sure most of you have also seen or at least heard of reed thatched roofs, reed boats, reed houses, and even musical instruments made of reeds. Even today these traditions are kept alive in many places in the world. In my part of the world, reeds are not used so often in a practical sense but still adorn many households and gardens in some capacity. 

The Contract

Sometimes it is not the high tree above us which gives us pause, but the humble shoots and curling green leaves of the ground beneath our feet. In the grasses, in the reeds and ferns, we view another angle to our world. At times this means pain and blood and tears. At times this means causing wounds and receiving them in turn. These actions are no less vital to our lives and love and comfort. Sometimes, they are even more necessary. In order to thrive and find harmony within our relationships, in our work, in our paths, we must grow and we must feel the pain and see the hurt of the world around us. In accepting this within ourselves, we are truly alive. nGeadal tells us we have pain within us, or that we are hurt in some way, he may also tell us that we may be causing pain, or that we must find a practical or resilient solution to the hurt we find. nGeadal tells us to look more closely at the wounds we bear, to find a way through them, and not shy from them.

Content Warning: Emotional Abuse, Trauma

Well, it certainly has been a minute since I’ve written here. Life has had a way of keeping me mentally strained for a good while. And while it may be my first post in probably a year, I’m hitting the ground running with quite a weighted topic. While nearly all the information here is very personal, I felt called to share it. This may not be a spiritual post as this blog is intended, but this definitely speaks to and provides a part of my foundation in my spiritual work, and believe this mental breakthrough will open a lot of windows in my soul and is what I hope another leg in my journey of recovery and spiritual learning. True friendship is so precious and rare and has always been hard-fought for someone like me. Every person in my life has always been an important part of the tapestry and connection to my soul, and so to come to the realization that I did about the person I speak about below, is incredibly devastating, even after all that happened and all this time. To heal is a long and difficult journey, to heal spiritually is even harder. This is some difficult shadow work, but I do hope it guides me to the next step. 

In the Summer of 2002, I moved to Oklahoma. I was an uprooted girl of some 14 years, entering a highschool in a world I knew nothing of. I had no friends or family around me, besides my mother, and already I knew my home situation was less than ideal. Entering high school, a difficult enough time for any young person, I was quickly met, and found myself attached to, another young girl whom I’ll call Heather. Heather was bright, slender, blonde, and came from a family with more than a little money. She was a bit popular and was generally nice. She welcomed me into the school and helped me meet the small class of Freshman entering that year. The highschool was very rural, and in the end that class had a graduating count of twelve, just to give a little scale. On the other end was me, new to not only the school system, but the state, dark brown-haired, not slender, and already possessed of an intense anxiety disorder that would continue to go undiagnosed for years along with other mental issues. Thus, was the basis of a perfect storm for a fourteen year emotionally abusive and toxic “friendship”. 

Today, in what is now early 2020, I was exploring a new YouTube channel, and came across a video of a man discussing how he got through the trauma of leaving a long and abusive relationship with a woman. While this man talked, certain aspects of what he was describing started jogging memories for me. Memories of someone I had “ghosted” three years prior and had written a letter explaining why I would never talk to them again. The man described a lack of respect for interests and hobbies, not fully listening, couldn’t trust her, very much needed taking care of (money, chores, planning), etc, and the love was a one-sided affair of manipulation and blackmail. As he went on it became more difficult to breathe, I found myself looking away, and a dull ache grew in my stomach, all making me aware of an oncoming panic attack. Something finally clicked in my brain at that moment. Something I avoided before even though I believe it had lurked through my internal hallways for a long while, making low growls every time I thought…of…her. It shone through those hallways then like a blinding light, no longer able to be ignored, suppressed, or rationalized away. I had been in an abusive relationship. I had been the victim of emotional abuse for nearly fourteen years, and only through the help of true friends and supportive loved ones, and a distance of a 1000 miles had I been able to leave it. 

At this point, it may sound like I was in an abusive romantic relationship with a woman, and in some ways it often felt like I was, just without the benefits. In fact, this was a friendship. We never lived together, thank goodness, we never were romantically involved (she was straight-cis), and we each pursued our own individual goals during our long relationship. It may be hard to wrap one’s mind around, as we often hear of romantic or familial abusive relationships, but one can, in fact, be abused in our friendships. It makes sense when you think about it, but this is something rarely depicted in our media, rarely discussed, and even harder to detect, as we often don’t live with these people. Even on the National Domestic Violence Hotline Website doesn’t list Abusive Friendships in its resources. To be fair, abusive friendships don’t often lead to physical violence or as deep a harm, but looking at my experience and even the experience of others, it’s still significant. Often they are labeled “toxic friendships”, which is a huge part of it, but I’ve come to believe these types of relationships should be included under the truest term, abusive relationships. This term brings a weight to the situation that “toxic” doesn’t really, and opens people eyes a bit more to what is happening. Until this point, I personally brushed what had been happening aside, and rationalized, and even defended the situation of our friendship (my goodness, the gaslighting was real), because how could it be abusive? This wasn’t a family member, I had no romantic ties to this person, I didn’t even live with this person, how could it be “that bad”? 

Well, let me tell you. Once I really grasped what those fourteen years had been, I could sit down and start to break down all the signs and the trauma that I ended up with. The sad part being, I can’t even recall all of it, as apparently I suppressed a lot of what happened in Oklahoma. The even sadder part being is that the start of this friendship coincided with another four years of emotional abuse I suffered both directly and secondhand in my own home from my step-father. Holy shit, I hated high school. That being said, I’ve suppressed a lot of memories of that time, but given what I do know, this would end up being a rather long post so it’s probably for the best. Anyway, the friendship itself started out pretty normal, and I didn’t even hang out with her so much in the beginning. By the time I switched schools in Junior year, however, we were calling each other best friends. We even made time to take prom photos together our senior year as we went to separate proms. I believe there was a few red flags in those four years, like getting angry with me for not covering for her when she snuck out of her house one night after her parents divorced. A situation she didn’t inform me of or ask me to cover for her, and thus I thought she was missing myself, but no, it was my fault she got in trouble, although I have no idea how I would have covered for her from the two adults in my house who would have known if someone was there or not. There was a lot of that after her parents divorced. I can see now that was the beginning of several issues for her, and a lot of what became the root of her future actions, but as much as I can sympathize I can no longer make it an excuse. All abusers usually have trauma of one sort or another, but so do we, their victims, and yet most of the time we can keep ourselves from traumatizing others. 

Once in college, I had moved back home to Michigan for two years, started a new life, made my own mistakes, even created a little more drama for myself as I dealt with the aftermath of my home abuse. I’ve discussed this all before in my Journey blog from last year. During this time, I didn’t connect much with Heather, but in the times I did she did make it clear I was failing to be a good friend, something I didn’t realize she was doing, and often felt shame for. She even managed to blame me for failing a class, because she asked for unsolicited advice from my mother who was an Administrative Manager, not a professor, but she managed to blame me for it, all while I dealt with the death of my grandfather no less. When I returned to Oklahoma in 2009, when the recession hit, I did spend more time with her and for the next three years, that relationship was more and more tense. Once, after I won a Scholarship and an Award for my paper on Indigenous Assimilation, and hers did not, she managed to find every way that my paper wasn’t worthy of winning, and hers only lost because of prejudice. I, of course, defended her actions to my mother and boyfriend (now husband) who of course found this distasteful.  As her life became less and less what she envisioned for herself she took it out on those around her, namely me. Again, I don’t think I realized what she was doing. I think in some ways it was all the same to me, from what I’ve dealt with elsewhere in my life. By the time she graduated, we had both found ourselves single, her fiance had left her, she didn’t have the job she wanted and wasn’t being accepted into grad school, and her financial situation was lessening as her mother no longer doled out for her every whim. I was the one to give emotional labor in these instances, a role I was very familiar with in my life, and thus took each round with a mild headache.

Finally in, 2011, I managed to return to Michigan again, rekindled my relationship with my boyfriend, soon to be fiance, found a great job, and even started to get my health back, while Heather’s life just seemed to spiral worse and worse. At one point even getting arrested in a possible prostitution ring. Again, why did I still call her such a close friend? The distance did help, however, she still felt like a clingy girlfriend that just wouldn’t let go. The next five years was spent setting up phone schedules, dealing with her emotional labor, find a way to keep up on her needs, and being disappointed about visits, being told I abandoned her, questioned about considering her as a best friend, and finally during my wedding, being told I was a bridezilla, and being questioned about every aspect of what I asked of my bridesmaids, despite her almost demanding she be one. This was 2015, and the beginning of the end. The next year was a continuous roller coaster in my own life, that by the end I was beginning to gain the weight back I had spent so much time losing, having trouble at work, and several family members and other friends in various states of issues. By November of 2016, I finally, FINALLY, couldn’t take her drama anymore. The last straw came when, once again, we were rescheduling a phone call and couldn’t find the time. Her last message was asking for the call to be a Sunday morning at 8am. I didn’t even reply. That may not seem significant, but to what had always gone on with her, it was the end. The next day, I began a letter to her that I finished a couple of days later and mailed off. In the meantime, I began blocking her on all social media, my phone, and telling mutual friends we no longer spoke. It was a huge decision for me, but honestly, at the time I didn’t really comprehend the full weight. I was just “losing a friend”, who really wasn’t a friend, and that’s hard enough, but everyone goes through that at some point. We took different paths and had different views on life. That’s completely normal, so I rationalized.

Over the next three years my life started a backward slide, work was difficult, I was a my high weight again, I had lost my strength, and started using a cane. I began having several medical issues and lost several family members. I started having a slight addiction problem. These issues started before I ghosted Heather, but I think subconsciously, cutting her out of my life had a much larger tearing effect than I ever thought, and I feel, this was because in truth, that relationship was just as emotionally abusive as one can have. Unfortunately, although there was a lot of relief and good that came from cutting her out, I think because I didn’t reconcile what exactly that toxicity did to me, I took away a lot of shame and guilt from leaving that relationship, internalized it, and it exacerbated all my other issues, particularly my body weight and addiction, which Heather always had a comment on. 

So now, today, three years on, I find myself having a full realization that friendships too, can be abusive and that I was in one, for a very long time. I’m writing about this, for myself, to manage my thoughts about it, to accept its reality, which in the back of my mind I’m still trying to rationalize away, and for others of course, because as with so many things about abuse, manipulation, and gender, it’s just not talked about enough. Women abuse, friends abuse, trauma and abuse leads to other trauma and abuse, and we all need to consider that in our lives and in our spirits.

Well, it’s certainly been a fair minute since my last post. I’m trying not to let guilt or urgency influence my continued writing and still take the time I need to develop my post. Despite these being shorter workings, I simply didn’t have the time or energy to devote to them properly over the last month or two. To be fair, I was diligently working on another major writing project, so at least it was productive time away. Finally, I’ve had the time and mental capacity to sit down with Ruis and acknowledge their facets. I’ve already sensed the feeling that Ruis is a bit of a roller coaster ride on the scale of actions and emotions they touch so let’s see what we can do with that.

Attributes and Associations

Ruis. RWEESH. ROO-ESH. Ruis means Elder Tree. Ruis is the fifteenth letter of the Ogham alphabet, of the Muine set. Ruis is derived from ruise “red”. Its Proto-Indo-European root was h₁reudʰ- ‘red’. Its phonetic value is r. The attributes of Ruis are regret, retribution, maturity, abundance, transition, success, consecration, and good fortune. The Elder is also strongly connected with Goddess spirituality, and the workings of the Fae. Ruis is beholden to all elements and finds attunement with all forest spirits. Ruis is also associated with the Winter Solstice.

Elder trees are known in the scientific community as Sambucus. The various species are commonly called elder or elderberry. The various species are commonly called elder or elderberry. The genus was formerly placed in the honeysuckle family, Caprifoliaceae, but was reclassified as Adoxaceae due to genetic and morphological comparisons to plants in the genus Adoxa. They bear large clusters of small white or cream-colored flowers in late spring; these are followed by clusters of small black, blue-black, or red berries (rarely yellow or white). Native species of elder often support populations of butterfly and bird species. Elder trees grow commonly in Britain and Ireland but also flourish across the northern hemisphere.

Elder wood is often used to make flutes and other musical devices, and the flowers and berries make delicious wines, cordials, and meads. Elderberry fruit or flowers have also  been used as dietary supplements for minor illnesses such as flu, colds, constipation, and other conditions, often served as a tea, extract, or in a capsule. Folklore says leaving the berries to ripen upon the tree for the blackbird to eat, they will bring echoes in their songs of the Otherworld. Like blackbirds, Ruis guards the gateways to the Otherworld.

The Contract

Ruis of the Elder Tree. Ruis of the Red. You sit with me as I am scarred and worn. I have many years to go but many winters have passed already, difficult and painful. I feel an age upon me that seems beyond my cumulative years. Ruis grips my shoulder, to face this regret to feel my own retribution. Do I let it in? Ruis the red whirlwind, I feel you as sharply as my own sweat in my eyes from the labors of my own body. Maturity grows upon me, like the ripe berries that you bear and I enjoy to consume. Red blooming before my eyes, of all shades of understanding, it cannot be missed. It is your call to action.

Sounding in the deep of my red blood, sounding out in notes of drums and flutes of rushing winds, it crescendos around me and hails the oncoming storm of life. A music to behold, of battle and of passion. This is not a normal calling, this is to be understood as rare and uncommon opportunity, balance your feet, learn the dance, and seek the perfect rhythm, lest it break and all lays fallen. Ruis will tell you that should you break the rhythm, not all is lost, but it grows harder each time it must be mended. Take the rejuvenation in seriousness.

I stand up from cracked and dirty floor. I shake and stumble upon my sore legs. Awareness of my experience flows through me, another ending has come. Perhaps to happen again someday, but for now, I close this portal, and call for Ruis to guide me through this new armageddon, this ending of a cycle long seen for. I shall embrace this chaos and walk to a new dawn.

This week’s drawing is nGéadal.

I am very excited to this journey’s ogham. Willows hold a very special place in my heart, and I definitely greeted Saille with open arms when she came forth. On my property stands a very very old willow tree, whom we fondly call Old Man Willow. When we arrived at this house to look at it, Old Man Willow was the first being we saw, along with all the other very old trees on the property. Of course, this comes with its own issues in that maintenance was required, and within the first year we had to do some major trimming, but Old Man Willow lives on, albeit a bit more preened. He’s presided over this house likely since it was built in 1940, and if all goes well, will be there long after we are gone. He gives a comforting presence to our home and is paired with what was likely another willow in the front yard that was cut down some time before we moved in. There is spiritual work there to be done, but in the meantime I am doing my best to establish a good relationship with willow, and thus have a good start with my meeting with Saille.

Attributes and Associations

Sail. Saille. SAHL-Yuh. Saille means Willow. Saille is a name related to the Welsh helyg-en and latin salix. Its proto-indo-european root was sal, and it’s phonetic value is s. In the medieval kennings, the verses associated with saille are: li ambi or “pallor of the lifeless one” in Morann mic Moin, luth bech or “sustenance of bees” in Mac ind Oc, and tosach mela or “beginning of honey” in Culainn. Attributes of Saille are birth, connections, enchantment, fertility, flexibility, healing, knowledge, relationships, and wishes. The deity I find most patrons Saille is Ishtar and finds elements in both fire and water.

Willows are notoriously hardy trees, and have a great love of water. There are over 400 different types of willows and all have abundant watery bark sap, which is heavily charged with salicylic acid, soft, usually pliant, tough wood, slender branches, and large, fibrous, often stoloniferous roots. The roots are remarkable for their toughness, size, and tenacity to live, and roots readily sprout from aerial parts of the plant. Almost all willows take root very readily from cuttings or where broken branches lie on the ground. Perhaps to emphasize their tenacity to life, willows have grown from heat laden tropics to near arctic zones all across the earth. Due to Willow’s apparent peaceful, serene nature, it is no surprise that its spiritual attributes are also that of peace and serenity. Its presence brings us comfort and joy, which allows harmony and balance to those who seek its influence in their meditations, and inspiration into their hearts and minds.

The Contract

Saille dances and swirls about me. I sit upon the floor, eyes closed, and Saille imbues soft light upon my eyelids. She understands what my inner being is missing. She speaks through my land, and whispers wonders through Old Man Willow. May I find peace within knowing they watch over me and mine. Timelessness exists in this space with Saille. I can exist here in a moment of calm and healing. Here, I can find balance, swim in a sea of perfect waters, as they tell me where to find what I need. I can return this world with this balance restored, and find flexibility in perspective of the world, and growth in my relationships from a place of resilience and adaptation.

This week’s drawing is Ruis.

I’ve finally arrived at Ogham Ten!!! Honestly I’m surprised I’ve gotten this far, but here I am again with La Croix in one hand and goldfish in the other. I’m working on this one a little sooner than usual as I’ll be out of town and not sure I’ll get to it on time. We’ll see how this goes. Lately, I’ve had a lot more writing projects, and keeping up with them has been a journey in itself. Anyway today we meet Luis. No not you Louis, stay in your corner.

Attributes and Associations

Luis. Luise. LOO-Shuh or LWEE. Luis means Rowan. Luis is derived either from luise “flame” or from lus “herb”. Its Proto-Indo-European root was either leuk- ‘to shine’ or *leudh- ‘to grow’. Its phonetic value is l. The Auraicept na n-Éces glosses the name as cairtheand “mountain-ash”, “rowan”. In the Bríatharogam the verses associated with Luis are: lí súla – “lustre of the eye”, carae cethrae – “friend of cattle” and lúth cethrae – “sustenance of cattle”. Here we have another ogham, or fiodh (FIH-yuth) the individual letter (I’m learning as i go along here) that brings information on protection. Specifically, defence, protection, and sanctuary. Rowan wood is often used in wards against evil, and signals that appropriate measures have been taken for safe-keeping.

Rowan itself, is a fast growing tree that takes root in high elevations and lively valleys. In the autumn it bears edible fruit for all creatures, and although considered a smaller tree, it can grow to heights of fifty feet in its elder years. Rowan wood has many similarities with hazel wood. Both are heart woods with a similar texture and coloring once the bark is removed, both need the same amount of seasoning time, both feel the same when carving and sanding.There are many practical uses for Rowan, including bow-making, tool handles and eating vessels such as bowls and plates. Rowan also has many spiritual uses, although most abundantly for protection magick. Some of these uses and meanings are blessings, centering, dedication, expression, grounding, imagination, insight, luck, music, poetry, quickening, and strength. Brigid bears a strong patronage with Luis, and elves and dragons encircle.

The Contract

Luis comes and places her hand upon my brow. Everything will be alright. She has always been there, and will always be there, as any companion of Brigid would be. She shows us that we should be conscious of the hurt and pain out in the world, but we can prepare for it, and look for ways in which Luis is protecting us. We should thus take the time to understand the danger that is lurking around us, and take steps to nullify it with the resources we have, while we have time. Rowan is planted in sacred sites, and placed above doorways for protection. Meet openly with Luis, reestablish your defenses, and remain calm, and carry on.

This week’s drawing is Saille.

And so we arrive at Journey Nine. It feels like such a long haul already and we’re not even halfway through. Honestly, I’m just glad to even get this far given everything going on right now. However, I wanted to make sure I meet with Straif this week as it’s an appropriate time to continue journeys as the weather slowly begins to turn nice, I’ve gotten good news that brings a close some medical issues, and I’ve had a full spiritual house cleansing that has cleared out a lot of unwanted energies. I find Straif emergence and communion with me at this time awakening. The word sacrifice has been on my mind for awhile, and it keeps coming up over and over again, and with it, I’ve felt the keenness of that in my own life. I’ve been making constant sacrifice in the last few weeks, and I’ve been tested, sometimes failing, sometimes meeting the need. Straif is also a battle cry in my mind, as I go to war to survive my own mind and my own body. However, I must also realize I can’t battle myself always, I must find a communion with myself, and meet myself half way. Straif also witnesses this. Thus, we meet him.

Attributes and Associations

Straif. Straith. STRAYF. Straif means Blackthorn. the original phonetic value is uncertain, but it may have been st, ts or sw. The medieval manuscript tradition transcribes it with Latin Z.

The probable meaning of the name is “sulfur”. The first two kennings could be explained by the main use of sulfur as dye, and its alchemical significance, respectively. The third kenning could be a corruption of saiget nél “arrow of the clouds”, i.e. sraibtine “lightning”. An alternative kenning has aire srábae “chief of streams”, and those referring to the “Tree Alphabet” base an identification with draigen “blackthorn” on this, by thinking of a “hedge on a river”. The “chief of streams” kenning may be referring to sulphur by reference to a stream of brimstone, sruth sruibhe.

The briatharogam kennings refer to three possible meanings, tressam rúamnai “strongest reddening”, mórad rún “increase of secrets”, and saigid nél “seeking of clouds”. The main associations are authority, control, conflict, difficulty, protection, truth, and strength. The closest patron deity I feel for Straif is the Dagda, but there are many others. He is our first male spirit that has come to me from the Ogham, and faeries follow him.

I feel I could go on and on about Straif, there is actually a lot of information about him, and seems to be one of the better known Ogham. So I’ll try my best to summarize the important aspects. As a symbol of authority and control, the Blackthorn is connected to strength and triumph over adversity. Blackthorn is a tree or shrub of winter, and its berries only ripen after the first frost. White flowers appear in the spring, and the bark is black and thorny. Oftentimes you’ll see blackthorn used in the making of the Irish Shillelaghs, a tool of might. The berries upon the blackthorn tree are known as Sloe berries, where Sloe gin comes from, and is used as a tonic for digestive issues. As blackthorn is a plant that flourishes when all else is dying, it’s associations are also a harken to dark times, and thus Straif finds himself in the company of the Cailleach and even the Morrigan, for its association with the death of warriors.

Other associations are issues hidden in disguise, damaging payment, blood, new secrets, painful experiences, wounds, surgery, and war. Although many of Straif’s association can be seen as negative, it can also be a clear call to action against these experiences.

The Contract

Straif comes to my door and asks me to open it. I know once I pull that door open what will happen. I fear what I will see, I fear what I must confront. It is my choice to open that door. Straif knocks loudly and clearly, but not with malice. I stand silent and still, with my hand upon the doorknob. I am both resisting the action, and not turning away. I know if I do not open the door my life will go on, but I will not move forward. If I open the door I am accepting everything that is happening and must take action. Straif continues knocking.

Straif calls us to action, but does not force our hand. He warns us what is coming and does not gloss over the facts of pain and damage that may be associated with it. “It is what it is.” is a phrase of Straif. He tells us to always expect the unexpected, especially when change beckons. No plans can stand in the way of these changes. External forces are working either against or for us, and we must meet them, no matter our foreknowledge. New journeys are on the horizon, and it doesn’t matter if we’ve already begun another path. These obstacles will alter us, but also give us strength. Life-changing, revealing, the mighty and the bloody, the door must be opened to continue.

The other face of Straif also speaks to pain and misery hidden in the guise of “goodness”. Events and situations that may seem fine and good paths to take on the surface may lead us to wounds and damage we did not see. Tread carefully. Thorns are under those pretty flowers and berries. This may also be an indication that secrets may be forming in situations and they must be addressed. Sometimes Straif may even beg indicating we need magical protection from something or someone that may be attempting to control our path.

Straif is a herald of war. We can find strength and immense power in the call of Straif, but he will exact a price, and as we fight these wars we will rarely come out unscarred. There are symbolic or real sacrifices to be made, and Straif does not make compromises, you either work with him or against him. If you do not walk with sure footing, if you do not stand with certainty, it is perhaps best to find another path, and leave the door closed for a time. It is your own will, it is by your own hand that you turn or let Straif within.

This week’s drawing is Luis.